Speak Up or Shut Up

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I’ve bitten my tongue while chewing gum, talking and laughing at the same time, and after tripping and banging my chin. I’ve seldom bitten it to stop myself from saying something although people have told me I should.

I tell you this to admit my hypocrisy when I say some people need to bite their tongues.

“Make an effort to avoid saying something you shouldn’t.” That’s what biting your tongue means.

We all think things we probably shouldn’t say, have opinions maybe the whole world doesn’t need to hear. We blurt when we should button up.

If I’ve got three seconds to think before I speak, these are the three questions I’m going to start asking myself before I open my mouth:

• Will these words make an already bad situation, worse?
• If you call me out on it, can I defend what I’m about to say?
• Will what is about to shoot out of my mouth make me sound like an ass or an idiot?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, I should bite my tongue, whether I’m literally talking or texting and posting. If what I have to say is that important, I’ll find a better way to say it.

As creatures who can think and speak, we are both the editor and the edited. Knowing when to speak up and when to shut up is the tricky part.

Do you need to bite your tongue more or less?

What’s the reasoning behind your answer?

Three Months of 5K’s: Purple, Blue and Through

Resting up for next year

When I began my 5K for Awareness quest in January, I thought finding the time to walk would be the hard part. It wasn’t. Taking the time to write about it was. Let me catch you up on how it went in October, November, and December.

October 5K: Deep Purple

The morning of October 28, I walked 3.2 miles for those impacted by pancreatic cancer. That afternoon, I emceed the 2018 Light the Capitol Purple for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness ceremony at the State Capitol.

It’s tough to speak at a cancer event. To find the right balance between solemnity and solace, hope and humor. The keynote speaker, Dr. Gary Timmerman, nailed it. Listening to him talk was like experiencing all the emotions tied to cancer in 15 minutes. Anger, despair, fear, sadness, humor, hope. And most of all, humanity. Yes, he stated some statistics and touted some treatments but he also shook his fist in frustration, chuckled at the absurdities of life with cancer, and was moved to tears at the loss it causes. He made a very impersonal disease, personal.

It was a great speech. You can hear it yourself on the ceremony video, courtesy of Dakota Radio Group. Dr. Timmerman’s address begins at 37:00.

November 5K: Bluer Than Blue

The first Christmas after my mom died, I set a kitchen towel on fire while trying to cook Christmas dinner. It was a fitting finale for what had been two months of trying to find the “happy” in “holidays” and never quite getting it.

November’s 5k was a brisk afternoon trek in support of people battling the blues.

The “holiday blues” hit during the period from Thanksgiving to New Years. Surveys indicate more people feel sad, anxious, lonely, and depressed those few months than at any other time during the year. What causes it? Stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, financial problems, the inability to be with friends and family.

The holidays will go on even if you don’t cook the perfect meal or hand make your own Christmas cards or have enough money to buy the perfect gift. Maybe the trick to surviving them is to figure out what they really mean to you and focus on those few things that are most important.

December 5K: The End of the Road

It was about this time last year that I set myself a goal to walk a 5K every month in 2018 to raise awareness about organizations and events that were doing good in our world. I did it, every month.

This year I’ve told you about programs that provide travel and lodging funds for cancer patients; give people the knowledge they need to get a high school diploma or a better job; combat child abuse; build stronger families and better parents; support wildland firefighters and those impacted by wildfires; encourage people to be transplant donors; maintain memorials to our country’s veterans; avoid being the victim of a scam; and benefit regular people facing illness and tragedy.

The experience has made me pay more attention to the good and bad things going on around me, and the importance of doing something about them. You don’t have to go far to make a difference. You just have to decide to go and then do it.

I’m thinking 2019 might be the year for 10K’s. Or maybe a half marathon. I’m interested to see where the path leads.

September 5K: Give Me the Money. NOW.

Weapons of mass destruction

WANTED: Phone representative for expanding scam operation. Must have pleasant phone voice, persuasive attitude, and lack of ethics. Split personality and maniacal laugh a plus.

How do you become a scammer? Are you paid on commission? Do scam operations have supervisors, management? How do you rise up through the ranks and why would you want to?

Do they have families? How embarrassing would it be if the scammer in the next cubicle accidentally called your mother and bilked her out of thousands of dollars?

“Damn it, Bob, you know my mom is on the Do Not Call list! What the hell, man?”

According to the 2017 Federal Trade Commission report on financial scams, over 1.1 million people reported being fraud victims last year with total losses of $905 million.

I want you to not be one of those victims. That’s why my September 5K (which I’m late in posting, I know) is to raise awareness about how to protect yourself.

70% of financial scams last year were perpetrated by phone. If you think senior citizens make up the majority of victims, you’re wrong. 40% of the reports came from people aged 20 to 29 – the sector most likely to live on their phones.

Last year there were 350,000 reports of imposter scams, in which the voice on the other end of the line said they were with the government, calling for a relative in trouble, a representative from a well-known business, or were with a company’s tech support. No matter who they said they were, they all wanted the same thing – your money. And they got $328 million of it.

It’s only going to get worse. Reports say by next year, nearly half of all cell phone calls will be from scammers. So the device you use to keep in touch with the people you want to talk to will be used by people you don’t want to talk to to rob you.

You might be saying you’re too smart to be taken in by a scammer, and I hope you are. There are a lot of pretty smart people who have been. It can be embarrassing, humiliating, and expensive. If you’re one of them and you don’t know what to do next, do this:

Report the scam to local law enforcement and your state attorney general’s fraud protection division. This will help them to track scam activity and prosecute scammers, if possible.

Close your current bank and credit card accounts (if they’ve been compromised) and open new ones. This is for both your and their protection.

Change your landline and cell phone numbers. Yes, you’ll have to learn new numbers and update this information with anyone who has your current numbers. But it cuts off the scammer’s access to you.

Have your computer checked. Running a scan on your computer may not be enough. Take it to a computer technician and have it thoroughly checked. Change all your passwords.

Tell people what happened. Scammers tell their victims not to tell family, friends, neighbors, employers what’s happening. Those are the people who care about you, not the scammer. So tell them.

A good resource for more information is https://www.usa.gov/scams-and-frauds.

October, November, December. Three months left on my 5K for Awareness mission. The end of October is pretty close; watch for another post in the next week!

1,096 Days Out: August 5K

The life you save may be your own.

I’m not your average three-year-old.

I’m 2-1/2 feet taller than other girls my age. My vocabulary is 20 times bigger. And I don’t nap in the afternoon. Well, not every afternoon.

Today is my third birthday, transplantically speaking. And as such, is the focus of my August 5K in my year-long “5K for Awareness Quest.”

I’m 1,096 days out from the stem cell transplant I had on Aug. 12, 2015, to force me into remission from multiple myeloma. I didn’t actually reach remission until September 8, 2016, but transplant patients celebrate their “second” birthdays on the annual date of their transplant.

An average of over 20,000 stem cell transplants are performed in the United States every year to combat blood and bone marrow cancers like leukemia, lymphoma, and multiple myeloma. Success rates are as high as 90% or more.

Over 55% percent of stem cell transplants are autologous, meaning the donor and the patient is the same person (which was my situation). The remaining transplants are allogeneic which rely on an outside donor, either a sibling or family member of the patient or a volunteer who’s a match.

In an average year, 8,500 people are needed to donate stem cells. Small number with a big impact. Want to be one of them? Find out more at cancer.org and bethematch.org. Donors are also needed for other types of transplants, like organs, eyes, and tissue. Get the lowdown at donatelife.net.

Since you’re learning about stem cell transplants today, I’ll leave you with this quirky fact: if during your stem cell transplant, the room smells like creamed corn, that’s you. Or rather, the preservative used on your stem cells. Don’t worry, the smell goes away…eventually.

Four monthly 5Ks left. Where should I be walking and for who or what in September? Leave me a comment with your ideas and suggestions.

Bringing Up Baby: July 5K

The difference between sounds and words. Their name. Gestures. How cause and effect works. These are things a baby learns in their first year.

Kid can’t wait forever for you to figure out what to do!

That their baby is unlike any other baby ever born anywhere. How to function on limited sleep. That a diaper doesn’t hold as much poop as a baby can poop when they really have to poop. These are things a parent learns in their first year.

Not everyone gets the privilege of being a mom or dad but for those lucky people who do, you should want to be the best at it that you can be. A lot of parenting is on the job training but if you could go into those first few years knowing a little something about what you’re doing, wouldn’t you want to have that knowledge?

The focus of my monthly 5K for July is where you can go to get it: Growing Up Together.

Growing Up Together is a non-profit organization in central South Dakota that provides classes for parents, families, and caretakers who have small children or are getting ready to have a baby. They cover the physical part of parenthood with prenatal, childbirth, and breastfeeding classes. But once the child is born, you have to know how to raise it. They have classes for that, too.

Their Sibling Readiness Class helps prepare the small kids you already have to be big brothers and sisters (which as someone who was pushed off a changing table as an infant by my then 2-year-old sister can tell you is very important). Courses are offered for teen parents who face their own challenges going from being kids to having kids. And the Common Sense Parenting Class emphasizes the use of positive interaction with your kids to help them grow up happy and healthy, mentally and physically.

I like that Growing Up Together realizes that today’s family unit is much different than it was 30 or 40 years ago when a family was a dad, a mom, and a couple of kids. Now it may be a single parent raising a child, a multi-generational household with grandparents added in, or a couple living together with a mixed family. Whatever your situation, you’re welcomed there.

Their class fees recognize that a new baby can mean a tighter budget. Most of their classes are $20 or less, and scholarships are available.

Although I’ve babysat countless times in my life I’ve never had the honor of being a mother myself so I’m very careful not to tell people how to raise their kids. Growing Up Together doesn’t do that either; they give you the practical knowledge you need for the job. What parents and families learn in those first years can determine what happens in the next 10 or 20 years. Nobody wants to screw that up.

Find out more about their classes and services at growinguptogether.org.

Seven months done on my 5K quest. I know exactly where I’m walking and for what in August. Want to know? Join me next month.

These 5 Things

In 2014, according to the L.A. Times, the average American house contained 300,000 items. That means two things: we keep more than we need, and the “organizing the perfect closet” tips on Pinterest must really work.

We’re in the process of decluttering our home, partly for financial reasons but also because of the desire to be surrounded by less stuff. Or more specifically, to keep and appreciate more meaningful stuff.

My sister started me on this track several years ago when she and my brother-in-law sold their belongings and made a motorhome their permanent residence (follow their adventures at Road Trip with John and Cathy). Helping her with the downsizing process redefined for me what makes where I am “home”.

Aside from family pictures, these are the 5 things that tell me where I live:

Dreamcatchers

My husband Jeremy is an enrolled member of the Crow Creek Sioux Tribe. When we were married 25 years ago, Paul Bad Moccasin made and presented us with a pair of Lakota dreamcatchers to bring good dreams and a positive spirit to our family. They go where we go.

 

 

Books

When we moved into our current home, the heaviest boxes were labeled “Books”, “Yes, more books”, and “Seriously, more damn books?” I try to keep my collection manageable but if I were forced to keep only the bare minimum, they would be The Stand by Stephen King, The Dog Stars by Peter Heller, Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, City of Thieves by David Benioff, Nam by Mark Baker, and National Geographic’s Complete Survival Manual. The first five I can read over and over and never get tired of. And if the Zombie Apocalypse ever does come, the last one will help me make it through alive.

Crucifix

I received this crucifix when I made my First Communion in the 1970’s and it’s hung over my bed ever since with the exception of the two years I lived in the dorm in college. Which was probably the time I could have used the extra spiritual guidance.

Radios

My radio collection consists of three pieces. A 70-year-old cabinet radio that was left by the previous owner in the first house my parents owned. A 60-year-old tabletop radio shaped like a microphone that was used to promote the radio station where I’ve worked for many years when it first signed on. And a 40-year-old transistor radio that I picked up at a thrift store when I got my first radio job. Two of the three still work.

Cookbook and Cookie Cutter

When it comes to cooking, there are half a dozen things I make pretty well and another 10 that won’t make you sick if you eat them. The 1960 St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church cookbook has some of my late mother’s recipes in it from when she was still in high school. I use it every time I make her biscuits, even though I probably know how from memory. And my chicken cookies are famous. They don’t cut themselves.

 

These things I need to be “at home” would fit into a single box, one that will never be marked “For Sale”, “To Thrift Store” or “Trash”. I don’t need 300,000 things to be happy. Who has time to dust all that stuff anyway?

What 5 things define your home for you?

Like A Good Neighbor: June 5K

For seven years, we lived in a tiny house halfway down a side street that ended in a cul-de-sac by the river.

Our neighborhood had old houses and trailer houses and empty lots, young neighbors and old neighbors, and one crazy guy on the corner who cavorted in his garden naked at night and yelled a lot. Not kidding.

One hot stormy night there was a tornado that uprooted the big cottonwoods and took out the power lines and left our street piled with debris. We were standing in what was left of our yard when the news came down the line that an old woman in a trailer by the cul-de-sac had had a heart attack and the ambulance couldn’t get down the street to get her. Within minutes, in the pouring rain, neighbors were wielding chainsaws and dragging tree limbs and pushing cars out of the way so the ambulance could inch its way down the street and get her.

What neighbors do in times of trouble is what my June 5K is all about.

I don’t know Chris Boxley personally but I know his mother-in-law. I’ve known Sarah Deters since she was a teenager. One lives in my community, one used to but doesn’t any more. But I still feel like they’re part of my neighborhood, an area in which I live that while it may not be geographical is still some place where you help people when they’re in trouble.

If you live near my actual neighborhood, there are a couple of special fundraisers coming up for Chris and his family: Thursday, July 5 at the Bill of Rights Brewery in Pierre, SD and Wednesday, July 11 at the Pizza Ranch in Fort Pierre, SD. Donations can also be made through the family’s GoFundMe page and at Oahe Federal Credit Union in Pierre, SD.

Want to show your support for Sarah and her girls? Take part in the Love Her Back event.

I’m at the halfway point of my Year of 5K’s with six months to go. I’m also on the lookout for a cause, event, or place to walk about for the month of July so if you want to point me in a new direction, post your suggestions in the comments.